MANY pupils were perplexed by the recent commotion occurring in the red payphone box behind the science block and wanted to know what was going on. It was not, as some suspected, a rave organised by the 6th form, but something nonetheless celebratory.
It was in fact a party organised by the friends and supporters of Mr Starmer, marking the milestone of a year in his post as Headmaster of Rayner’s Lane Comprehensive. There was no mistaking the genuine happiness and gratitude on display, with everyone commenting on how the school has improved – almost on a daily basis.
Revelry continued late into the night with the three guests enjoying a specially formulated cocktail called the U-Turn – a delicious and intoxicating mix of sour grapes, bitters and tequila.
The staff generously clubbed together and presented Mr Starmer with a delightful Sheffield steel knife made by the distinguished cutlery manufacturers Backstabber & Son.
Tears at work
There was understandably a great deal of worry occasioned by the upsetting spectacle of seeing one of our more senior staff members openly weeping at assembly. Equally distressing was the fact that the Headmaster, himself normally acutely aware of underlings’ sensibilities, seemed oblivious to Ms Reeves’s plight as he warmed to the theme of his morning address, change, change, change, change and more change.
As Bursar she has been under a great deal of pressure recently and has been unfairly ridiculed in some quarters. The abacus and instruction manual left on her desk last week as a joke proved an act of folly that broke the proverbial camel’s back.
Fortunately, Rachel is made from stern stuff and was back at work the following day – a smile on her face and promising the Headmaster that the tears were a personal matter and that she had ‘plenty left in the tank’. We should all be grateful that Rayner’s Lane has such a dedicated and level-headed individual in charge of our finances.
Health news
Ms Leadbeater has made quite an impression since she has agreed to take on pupils’ welfare alongside her daily duties. Bringing fresh thinkingto the role she has kindly organised several key initiatives which we think will be a game changer for youngsters feeling under the weather.
The most noticeable alteration is the modification of the first-aid room into what is now known as a drop-in drop-dead chamber.
Initially, this facility will only be open on Wednesday afternoons between 1-2pm. Depending on demand this might change, but we would ask that all pupils feeling that popping in to see Ms Leadbeater might be of benefit download the newly available app called you’re a burden, just do the right thing.
On another delicate health matter, gymslip mums have been an issue at Rayner’s Lane for many years. Thankfully there is now an option open for girls (and those identifying as such). We will now offer a traditional nine-month morning-after pill which we hope will be a relief to those finding themselves in this tricky predicament.
Chef’s suggestion
What a treat to discover that Ms Rayner – our fashion-conscious deputy head, is also something of a whizz in the kitchen. Whispers reach us that she has been busy preparing a sumptuous beef wellington studded with locally foraged mushrooms as a commemorative dish for the Headmaster to tuck into for his anniversary dinner.
Sounds delicious!
