An American tourist is facing jail after sneaking on to an island that is home to a ‘Stone Age’ tribe untouched by the modern world. The spear-wielding natives of North Sentinel Island in the Bay of Bengal are protected from outsiders by the Indian government to prevent them catching diseases for which they have no immunity. The tourist left a can of Diet Coke and a coconut on the shore for the tribe, but police said the ‘gifts’ could have wiped them out. Now it can be revealed that a similar incident has taken place in Britain …
A MAN has been arrested for ‘recklessly endangering’ an archaic tribe by invading their secretive enclave in London. Cutting themselves off from the reality of today’s world, the Empees have lived for several centuries in a closely-guarded compound overlooking the Thames.
Anthropologists believe there are shifting alliances within the tribe, who are thought to number about 650, but they are generally divided into two main castes. However, there is little real difference between either group. The tribe’s current chief is believed to be known as Tooteer and their high priest is called Edbangah, who leads them in worship of wind and sun gods.
Police said the intruder approached the enclave waving a white envelope, which they feared may have contained a nerve agent or hazardous biological substance. Before officers had a chance to stop him, he placed the envelope on the doorstep. A tribal elder who was inside the doorway went to pick it up – but a policeman courageously intervened, indicating by signs that lunch of toad-in-the-hole followed by spotted dick was being served inside, and the tribesman wandered back to safety.
The intruder was arrested by armed officers and forensic teams in hazmat suits were called in to take the envelope away for analysis. It was found to contain a copy of the man’s latest electricity bill and his weekly food bill. Under questioning, he said he was an ordinary taxpayer who wanted to ‘show the Empees what real life is like’.
Police called him ‘idiotic’ for leaving the bills within reach of the Empees. A spokesman said: ‘Can you imagine the impact on them if they realised there is a world out here where not everyone gets free travel, free mobile phone use, subsidised bars, second homes and a basic salary of £91,346 a year plus expenses and allowances, as well as directorships, free concert tickets, clothes and glasses? A world where the old cannot keep warm and most people struggle to make ends meet? It would be catastrophic.’
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